Does and Don'ts

Here's a hodgepodge of things to either do or be sure you don't do;

Paying the bill; Whenever you plan to spend money, ask if they accept credit, debit, or cash—depending on how you want to pay. It's not unusual for a place to accept only cash, or only credit card… good to know in advance. At a restaurant, they bring appetizers to the table automatically. They also charge you automatically. So don't nibble on those olives unless you want to pay for them. Don't get me wrong, they're worth it, but you should know you'll usually pay for it. The servers will make it clear if it's free.

Birds; Don't feed the seagulls anywhere near a restaurant. If a seagull flies toward you, don't scream and duck. A guy did that at an oceanside restaurant the other day and it drew lots of laughter. If you have your clothes drying out on the clothesline, and you hear the doves cooing, that's not a lovely sound. It means they're happily pooping on your clothes. By-the-way, don't feed the doves or pigeons either, at least not at a restaurant. The other day we were at an outdoor food court at a mall and this guy came by with a falcon on his arm. He released the bird every so often to scare off the birds. Worked like a charm. Scared some of the guests as well.

Pastries; Expect to get it wrong when you order a pastry. It's hard to tell what's inside. (Frango=chicken, porco=pork, carne de bovino=beef, veggies=veggies, chocolate=chocolate). Joe came back to the table the other day with a hot-dog in a pastry, or as we say in the US—pig-in-a-blanket. I know my husband well. Before he could take a bite, I asked, "You know that's a hot dog, right?" "It's not chocolate?" he asked holding it up to look at the dark brown blob sticking out from the end. Nope. He enjoyed it anyway. Now it's a standing joke.

Trains; A couple of things about the metro and the trains. Firstly, be prepared to get off at your stop, because you don't have much time. At the door you plan to exit, if on a tram or train, look for a sign (usually subtle) that says that door is broken. Hustle over to another door. Remember that you have to push the little open button or you don't get off. When you're waiting to get on a train, push the open button outside… if it doesn't open, then scurry to the nearest door and try that one. Absolutely give up your seat for an elderly lady— they are the unofficial rulers of this country.

Cars; When driving here, make sure you stop far enough back from the light to be able to see if it turns green, but don't worry… the cars behind you will be sure to tell you! When parking pay close attention to whether or not you are completely in the marked-out space. Especially near tram or trolley tracks. If the vehicle is over the line even a little bit, the tram/trolley can't go around your vehicle. Everyone has to get off the tram/trolley and find some other means of transportation while the conductor waits for the police and the tow-truck to show up. The other day a car was wedged into its spot pretty tight, so the tow truck driver jacked the whole car up on a rolling jack and three policemen helped him push it sideways out of the spot—then he towed it. The conductor stood on the sidewalk the whole time having a smoking-break.

Smoking and lights; Everyone smokes here. Accept it, or don't come here. The other day, there was a young man smoking pot at an outdoor restaurant—I don't think that's accepted though. Speaking of restaurants, when you use their bathroom (casa de banho) be aware that the lights are usually on a timer. If the lights go out (about 30 seconds of not moving), just wave your arms.

Huh?; Polvo is octopus... good to know. Here's one that baffled me for weeks. The sign on the door that says PUXE (pronounced push) means pull. You're welcome… I saved you from looking like a dummy like I did. Empurre (pronounced impoo-hey) is push. When you're in the line at the grocery store have your grocery bag ready. Fill it as he/she rings it up, then pay. Be prepared for them to say NIF? If you don't know what that means, then say no. People waiting in line get very impatient if you dawdle. Oddly enough, that only applies to grocery stores. Everywhere else you are the only person in the world when you're at the front of the line… remember that when you're waiting.

Manners; Pay attention and help those around you. It's the Portuguese way. The other day a guy at a café got down on his hands and knees to do something. Pretty soon someone else went over to see if he needed help. Joe joined in. He went in the café and asked for a sharp knife. It wasn't until it was all over that I was told that a pigeon had a fishing line tangled around its foot and it'd gotten hooked onto the drainage grate. We were at yet another café and I noticed an older woman standing in front of the automatic doors. She was trying to get it to open, but it wouldn't. I got up and went over to stand on the inside pad to get it to open. She was laughingly grateful. Just look around. People in this country help each other.

Water; Here's one that actually irritates me to no end. A lot of restaurants will charge you for water—even if you ask for tap water. Obviously, I dislike paying for water when the tap water is healthy, but it's more because I hate the throw-away plastic bottles. Just pour me a glass of water! They only do it in high-tourist places. By-the-way, at cafés clear your table. It's not expected, but it's really appreciated.

Parking; Make sure you pay for a parking pass and make sure the spot you parked in is allowed for overnight parking, if that's your plan. When going through parking lots in the morning, we'd often see cars with the wheel boot on it, along with a ticket and a banner wrapped around the car… it's definitely obvious when you shouldn't have parked there.

The other side; There are pedestrian overpasses and tunnels everywhere. Just look longingly to the other side of the train tracks or freeway, and someone will point you in the right way. The tunnels are usually bike friendly slopes, but if they aren't they'll often have a rail to set the wheels in.

Signs; Last, but not least, beware of instructions painted on the sidewalks. Trust me, if it's a lane for bikes, you could lose your life. Bicycles are everywhere. Pay attention. There're also signs to indicate other things like what direction you should be walking, where dogs can be, and some things are a mystery.