Beer, Turtles, and Pidgin English

We’ve vacillated between action and inaction on this trip. We wake up pretty early and take a beach walk and then snorkel and swim. We came out of the water the other day and a couple of people on the beach were all excited about the turtle trailing us while we snorkeled. We had no idea. The next two times we went out we saw it. Terri (Clay’s daughter) is one of those research people who finds the best snorkeling spot in a ten-mile radius, so we headed out with her one morning to south of Wailea. The parking lot seemed to be for fishermen and was basically wedged into the trees and sand. We walked a little south and saw a group of snorkelers, so we headed that way. What a jackpot! We saw at least six turtles, and the water was much clearer than our beach. I’ve never seen turtles that mellow before. They just paddled around the snorkelers, probably looking for a handout. One old-timer was playing chicken with Joe. It swam right up to Joe’s face… at the last second it went around. We even saw an eel swimming around! That’s not something you usually see accept on night dives.

We’ve been on a quest to find the best beer brewery. We went to Maui brewery for dinner. I was amazed at how enormous that place was. It had to be on at least a couple of acres. Most of the time we hang out here at Sugar Beach and grab an occasional drink or bite to eat at Dina’s Sand Witch. I’d read that Eskimo Candy had the best fish and chips. Though it was good, I wouldn’t say it’s the best. Then again, I was raised in California. We got one Mahi and one Ono basket. The Mahi was flakier and the Ono was firm. Us girls went into Lahaina the other day and wore ourselves out shopping. We went to Waikiki Brewery for lunch. Terri, the connoisseur, preferred Waikiki over Maui. I got a pumpkin beer because I was hot. It was okay… it might have been better if it was ice cold.

I’ve been obsessed with puzzles on this trip. I’m already on my third one. Clay will come over and help me sometimes. Right now I’m doing one with a bunch of surfers from around the world lined up in front of their boards.

Above us, in this resort, is a young couple with a big dog. It’s generally a quiet dog, but the other night it sounded like it was chasing a mouse around their condo! I could hear it skidding around corners and barking like a maniac. I couldn’t hear any humans, so I have no idea what it was after. That was an earplug night. For daytime entertainment we have the guy in a condo below us who starts his day by doing a vocal workout. You know, the la-la-la in different pitches? He absolutely does not have a singing voice, but he faithfully works his voice from his balcony every morning. :/

On a cultural note; the Hawaiians are pretty laid back, but I found something that almost universally pisses them off (it’s a super-power of mine). They do NOT like it when you speak Spanish to them. This is super hard for us Californians. We often say hola or gracias. They will flat out say, “We don’t speak Spanish here!” Okie-dokie. Even if I catch myself and apologize before they can say something, they’ll still tell me to not speak Spanish. Last night our bartender, a very nice Hawaiian woman, explained that Ola is a name here. It means pride or proud or something. Her excuse is that she thinks people are mistaking her for her cousin. I’m not buying it.

Today is super windy. We usually eat out on our balcony, but today I had to save our placemats twice from going over the railing. I’m sure I looked comical to the sensible people in the other condos as I raced around in circles trying to pin down placemats and napkins. The problem is I leave the front door open and it created a wind tunnel today. I closed the door and picked up all the puzzle pieces from the floor. Not a shining moment for me.

The aquarium here has a giant gift shop inside, but it’s a process to get in there. First you have to pay to park… call me petty, but it irritates me to pay to spend money. It’s two bucks an hour and you have to pay it buy texting a number and inputting a number, or you can hold your camara to the QR code. Then once you finally get inside, you have to go to the ticket counter and sign in and they give you a wristband to make sure you don’t sneak into the aquarium. Surprisingly, the shop wasn’t overpriced. That’s something, right? There’s also a small outdoor mall next to the aquarium in case you want to spend more money.

I found one of the coolest things at the gift shop… a Hawaiian Pidgin-English Bible. It is called Da Good An Spesho Book. I couldn’t resist picking it up and reading it. I went to the most familiar verse, John 3:16-17. I love it! “God get plenny love an aloha fo da peopo inside da world. Dass why he sen me, his one and ony Boy. Cuz a dat, erybody dat trus me no goin get cut off from God foeva! Dey goin get da real kine life dat goin stay to da max foeva! You know, wen God sen me, his Boy, inside da world, he neva do dat fo punish da peopo. He sen me fo get da peopo outa da bad kine stuff dey stey do.” Interesting huh?

Aloha from Maui!

We’re on another adventure… Maui! Our friend, Clay, wanted to use his air-miles, so we graciously offered to help him… and we’re in first class. That’s fancy. Besides being one of the nicest guys to travel with (a real pro) he’s also got some perks. First perk is he insists on taking one of those compact leather-seat limos to and from the airport. The service is almost as nice as when our friend Dave shuttles us to and from the airport in his Suburban. Perk #2 is he needs a wheelchair for the airport. Let me tell you, that’s the way to travel! It might be worth breaking a leg for. The perk I’m enjoying right now is the Admiral’s Lounge. Do you have any idea how expensive this is? Joe was saying it’s like $800 a year. Clay got a lifetime membership for $275 about thirty years ago. It’s such a nice break from the hustle and bustle of the airport terminals. Plus they have the free taco bar (yes Denise—a taco bar!). I even got a glass of wine gratis. Admittedly, the clientele in here is strange in its own rich way. The lady with three-inch spiked silver hair and a mangy looking dog, which lays directly across the path to and from the food, is certainly unique. Then there’s the guy wearing a full-length gown made out of Central American fabric… it’s very flashy and somehow doesn’t go with his red hair and thick beard. He looks more like someone from Duck Dynasty. He’s wearing strap-on Birkenstocks and has a really expensive laptop. He would be a great character in one of my crime novels.

We just found out our flight has been delayed by an hour. Oh well. Years ago, on a short-term mission trip to Mexicali, we learned to call it Flexicali. In order to survive the chaos inherent in traveling with teens, you have to be flexible. We’ve adopted that attitude for all our trips. Makes it easier. This morning, at SMF, a lady spent ten minutes learning about the world of flavored coffee drinks. It was apparently her first time and she had a million questions. The lady directly behind her was starting to get pissed off. She turned and gave me the “can you believe this @*#” look. I asked her if she was running late. Nope. She toned it down slightly. I said, “It’s cute, and I’m on vacation.” Her face was comical as she battled between her desire to be snarky and realizing she could tone it down. She chose to tone it down and said she’s going to adopt that saying. I have my doubts, but it would be nice if people would take a chill-pill before they travel.

I’ve discovered a new thing. There’s a ride-share company called Turo. All you do is go to their site and see if there’s any cars in the area you want (Maui has hundreds of cars). They list all the cars for rent in that vicinity. Each car has photos, a description, and customer reviews. They have every kind of car imaginable from a classic Mustang to a Maserati. We rented a bright red 2022 4-Runner for $59/day. We only need it for a couple of days, so I splurged. I booked it and immediately got a message from the owner saying he’d pick us up at the airport and drive over to the Costco parking lot to hand it over. I just sent him a message telling him we’ll be at the airport at 9:30 instead of 8:30 and he wrote back saying no problem. Isn’t that cool?

That was yesterday, and it all went as planned. Christopher picked us up at the airport and drove us to Costco, actually he made Joe drive. Then, because we displayed tourist anxiety, he had us follow them to the highway through the maze of streets (that are actually quite straightforward). When it came time to part ways, he called my cell phone and told us when to turn. Talk about put us in the Hawaii frame of mind! Poor Clay was baffled by our antics. For decades he’s done the car rental the exact same way. He was too tired and hard-of-hearing to know exactly what was happening, and it was too complicated to explain, so he just went along for the ride.

First thing in this morning we opened our sliding glass doors and sat gazing at the ocean and sipping coffee. The Sugar Beach Resort is an older condo complex. It’s super affordable with great amenities, but it’s tired. It’s sort of like a Travelodge on the inside, but the grounds are meticulously kept. It’s at the north end of Kihei and has a gorgeous small beach.

Today was shopping day, hence the vehicle. We went to Costco and Safeway and bought enough meat for an army and of course beer for Joey. We gifted Clay with a bottle of Oban scotch for his 93^rd birthday. He was appreciative but not interested. He caught a cold back in California, so he’s doing shots of Nyquil instead. He had a long list of munchies for his daughters who arrive Friday. After we made three trips up and down stairs, Clay told us they have grocery carts at each elevator for that purpose. That would’ve been handy information to have.

I’ve got my puzzle from home all set up on my table along with this laptop, so I’m ready now! I keep getting distracted by the crashing waves. The wave action is pretty gentle in the morning and it’s fairly shallow in front of this place. Yesterday, we decided to swim laps with our snorkel gear on… good thing because there’s a reef right there and it’s close to the surface. The danger is having a wave set you right on the reef. I was surprised at how healthy the reef was considering how many humans have hit it over the years.

We scooted over to Lahaina to walk around and have lunch. I’d read about The Dirty Monkey being a good ambiance and decent price… it was good. Prices are extremely high here, even compared to California. Of course I had to take a picture of the giant Banyan tree, but I was more focused on the chickens. I don’t remember the chickens from past visits. They’re everywhere.

I keep getting distracted by what sounds like a woman standing inside my condo talking nonstop. There’s a woman sitting on her balcony in the adjacent building. She appears to be talking on her phone, so I’m guessing it’s an echo. Weird.

Last night we met Clay at Dina’s Sand Witch Deli here at Sugar Beach. This place is more of a bar. It’s small and covered in dollar bills. The staff and half the customers know Clay. He got plenty of birthday wishes and of course he handed out his Bringing Apollo Home business cards I’d had made for him. He’s my best salesman. For his birthday we’d picked up some steaks from Costco, so Joe went down to the barbeque area, along with four other husbands  and cooked them up while talking politics. Shocking, right?

Now we’re carless, but the girls come tonight and they’ll have a rental car. Did I mention that Clay’s two daughters are coming to join us for a week? I can’t wait. The reason they’re coming here is because the daughter from Washington had planned to come to Cali to see her dad for his birthday. He had to break it to her that he would be in Maui. His other daughter casually mentioned she’d been wanting to go to Hawaii again. Clay put two and two together (literally) and now they’re en route.

Aloha for now. We’re going to go hop in the ocean.