Spoiled Americans

I usually look for the things that I see as being as good if not better than what I see in the States. However, there are times when I feel I’ve been spoiled by certain innovations or behaviors back home. So here I’ll point out some of those things I miss.

Screens on doors and windows are such an amazing invention. I can’t imagine what I’m going to do without them when we move to Europe. I guess I’ll have to do what locals do and hang up those hanging bead or string curtains. I really hate it that I can’t have all my windows and doors open to let in the fresh air without losing the view behind beads. The other day we were talking to an expat who mentioned that he leaves his windows open even when he’s gone. Not remarkable for Portugal really, but it begged the question—what about the flies? He said, “I’ve got screens on the windows.” We were amazed! He modestly admitted that he’d hand-made them.

Clothing dryers are another invention that hasn’t caught on over here. I’d say it’s an electricity usage issue, but a lot of people, like us, go to the laundromat and pay to dry their clothes. I told Joe that one of our biggest extravagances in moving here would be to purchase a dryer.

Here’s one that isn’t better or worse, just different. The hot water heater is always in the kitchen (as is the clothes washer) and it’s on-demand. So when you turn the water on hot, the heater kicks on. One thing I’m not very fond of is the exposed tubes and pipes that seem to be part of every kitchen. Remember, we don’t stay at hotels, we stay in homes. So, my complaint is that the water has to be on full blast to get hot water… as soon as you turn the volume of output down (to save water) it goes cold. Plus, all the piping is exposed. :/

There are wall heaters throughout most houses, or maybe a fireplace. The nice thing about wall heaters is you only heat up the room you want to be warm. For example, I like the bedroom to be cold but the front-room to be warm. This place has two rolling heaters, which is nice.

There must be an EU rule regarding toilet seats. Maybe there’s an extra tax on them or something? I’d say that the vast majority of restaurants don’t have them. If they do, then I’m in ecstasies over it. It is one of the things that will get me to go back to a restaurant. Most bathrooms are like the ones on a boat—extremely small and lacking toilet-paper. Even here at our condo the toilet seat is actually bolted down off-center. :/  The absolutely most bizarre public bathrooms I’ve seen are in São Martinho. The public bathrooms have bidets. I know SM is a little ritzy, but bidets in public bathrooms? And all the toilets have seats. Very luxurious here. It’s a bit ironic that one of SM’s nicknames is “the bidet of the Marquises” because it was so popular with the Portuguese nobility.

Speaking of toilets, here they’re called bath-houses… casa de banho. The fun part is the huge variety of signs telling which is male and which is female. S is senhora-female, H is homem (though senhor would be appropriate, but you can’t have two Ss), with various depictions of men and women. The most common is a skirt versus pants, but some are more creative.

Oh, and remember that WC refers to the bathrooms. Here’s my favorite sign telling me the general location of the WC.

A cool household item here is the de-humidifier. It’s absolutely amazing how much water accumulates in the water tank. It’s nothing to empty out a half-gallon a day. When living in coastal towns like up in Humbolt, California, everything stays so wet. It’s really destructive to a house. Everything gets moldy and yucky, clothes and even dishes take forever to dry. This machine is brilliant, especially in the bathroom. The mirror takes forever to defog after a shower. With this little thing it's cleared up in minutes.

Some things are just etiquette or societal norms. Here, people don’t greet you on the street unless they know you… unless you greet them first. Then they look surprised and respond politely. One thing I really miss is the lack of public displays of affection. In Italy people greet each other with hugs and kisses. Women stand holding hands while they catch up. Here in Portugal, I’ve never ever seen a hug, no matter how excited they are to see each other. One time, just once, I saw two ladies do the cheek kiss. They are very physically affectionate with their children though. Lots of cuddles for them. It’s rough because I’m a hugger.

I’ve mentioned it before, but a lot of people smoke cigarettes in Portugal, and Italy too. Because it’s so normal, they don’t really get it that we don’t like it. Though the law forbids smoking in public buildings like restaurants, they just step right outside the door frame and smoke. It’s so weird. There’ll be two or three of them chatting and puffing away just two feet from where your table is. We usually move further into the place to avoid it.

Food is different here, just as it is all over the world. Some things I prefer, some I miss. I like the country-style of buying eggs unwashed. That way they can be stored on the shelf, not the fridge. It also means that part of making breakfast is washing eggs.

Butchers at the grocery store will cut up anything you want, anyway you want. However they draw the line at cutting a piece off a whole chicken. Some stores have prepackaged sort of fresh meat. So, if I luck out by getting to the store before the leg quarters are gone I’m fine. But when I say I want leg quarters and they don’t have any already cut up, even though there’s ten chickens piled on each other, they’ll say no. “We don’t have any.” I point to the chickens and they shake their heads no. Today I asked the guy to cut a whole chicken for me. I demonstrated by making imaginary cuts on my chest and hips. Every cut had him looking questioningly at me. It’s like he’d never done it before. Even at our favorite BBQ place the guy told us, “We’re sold out of half-chicken plates. You can get two quarter-chicken plates.” I wish you could see my face as I write this… one brow up and a half smile.

The concept behind dried fish is brilliant, but not my cup-of-tea. Especially cod. I can’t stand cod. This will deeply hurt my Portuguese friends, but I can’t help it. Cod is gross here. It’s fascinating to see rack after rack of fish drying out on the beach. Octopus, squid, cuttle-fish, and of course, cod.

Pink hot dogs in a jar offends every American sense. I like a higher-end dog back home, like Hebrew National dogs. Here it’s either a pink doggy or a hard sausage. And why, oh why, can’t they have sour cream? I’ll admit cream cheese can substitute on a potato. Funnily enough, our Lisbon friends really like the way I serve baked potatoes with cream cheese! Another thing I have to adjust my recipes for is the lack of relish. It’s kinda fun to buy the pickles, olives, and onions in a jar. I just dice ‘em all up and call it relish. Europe, in general, I think has a different view on salad dressing. In the States, salad dressing is an artform. Here it’s olive oil and vinegar… period. Plus, we really, really like our sauces. Barbecue sauce, for example is hard to find.

Police do give parking tickets here, but they make a show of it. You don’t want to be the first car they fine, but everyone else has time to run out of the cafés to buy tickets before the cops get to their car.  The other day a cop looked around for the owner of the tuk-tuk in front of us. The guy sitting by us was sipping a beer and told him, “I’m waiting to get change so I can buy the parking pass.” The cop shook his head with a smile and walked off. Stunning. Then the waitress brought his change and he did go over and get a pass, so I guess he was telling the truth—maybe.